The Shork

What was the worst flu you had?

Ben Lawless — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 20:17:06 +0000

Was it the swine flu? The cute-n-fluffy-hamster flu? Or perhaps you contracted the infamous gargoyle flu? What was the worst form of the flu you ever had?

The next sci-fi series I will love

Ben Lawless — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 06:48:51 +0000

So, in a month or so Battlestar Galactica will be over, and I’m afraid that endlessly watching my Stargate Atlantis and Farscape DVD’s is going to get old. What’s going to tide me over till humanity finally boldly goes? Name it, and toss in a quick synopsis. So long as it has robots, spaceships and Nathan Fillion, I think you’ll have a die-hard fan in me.

Reasons why I’m not allowed to play with you any more.

Ben Lawless — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 08:04:47 +0000

It’s an oldie, but a goodie.

UPDATE

After much deliberation, I’m going to have to give it to

it turns out that sort of thing is not allowed in public.

any more.

Congratulations, anonymous! For your graphic sincerity you win some “alone time.”

Why did my cat scratch you?

Ben Lawless — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 16:52:50 +0000

My cat, Clawed Garamond, goes super crazy at strange times. Sometimes he’s just sitting there, and others he’s being pet and purring like mad… and then he goes into miniature Chuck Norris mode. Just how did we get here? Help me figure out why.

UPDATE:

Some amazing entries here, but I think Jason has it ftw:

You put catnip in my shampoo!

If you needed any more convincing of this heinous plot, check out this video:

Congratulations Jason. You win. Cat on you.

Now, where did I put it?

Ben Lawless — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 16:18:04 +0000

You know, the thing. I can’t find it…

UPDATE:

Good answers all, but I’ve got to give it to Blampert:

It’s inside of the droids you aren’t looking for.

Congratulations, Blampert. As I wave my hand in your face, I know you’ll understand you don’t want a prize.

Post-holiday bliss

Ben Lawless — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 05:05:32 +0000

Now that the holiday season is over, and we all are on our way back to our normal lives, what don’t you miss about the craziness of the last month?

UPDATE:

Blampert wins it with

recession talk

I gotta agree. As much as it sucks for everybody, I’m ready for it to be done with. Congratulations, Blampert! You win economic prosperity!

But first, a poem…

Ben Lawless — Wed, 24 Dec 2008 09:20:26 +0000

Write your review for Ben’s new book:

There is Nothing Poetic About Fish

Worst Christmas Gift

Ben Lawless — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 16:38:26 +0000

You know you’ve got stories.

UPDATE:

I’ve definitely got to give it to Red Matt for his answer:

A Menorah

Congrats, Matt! You win a confusing holiday around the tree… you know, the one we made out of clay!

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Ben Lawless — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 01:55:24 +0000

If ever there was a group to find the answer…

Update: Jason takes it!

“He left just like everyone else: Because you’re fat and ugly and no one will ever love you.”

Awkward moments involving livestock

Ben Lawless — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 17:12:16 +0000

It’s only dirty if you make it dirty.

UPDATE

Well, I gotta hand it to aliasdrea for making it dirty, but Blampert wins with this awkward story:

This one time I was talking shit about the sheep to the rooster and he just keep tilting his head and poking around and stuff. Then there was a bite at my knee pit and I turned around and saw the whole herd just standing there staring at me! It was really awkward till I fainted from loss of blood.

Congrats Blampert, now get yourself to a hospital!